How do you talk about family?

Today rather than going in detail over specific statistics on one subject regarding the family, I want to discuss how we talk about families in general. How do you personally talk about marriage, children, divorce, commitment etc.? How does society speak about marriage, children, love, divorce etc? What are the messages that we are portraying to the next generations of the most foundational aspect of our society?

Jim Bunning, a well known baseball player and a member of the United States senate, once said

"A loving family provides the foundation children need to succeed, 

and strong families with a man and a woman-bonded together for life-

always have been, and always will be, the key to such families."

Now for those of you that don't believe in the traditional family of a man and a woman, I make no apology that the statement says the foundation comes from families with both a mom and a dad. No matter how politically correct we try to make things sometimes, there is simply too much research to refute such a claim. I do however want to recognize that although I can not change statistics, I hope you will see where the principles of the article relate to you, even though the media chosen and examples given will describe heterosexual families.

So lets chat! How are we portraying love, marriage and families today? Let's start from a societal standpoint:

• Music: How does music portray love and family?

I took the top 10 of 2019's greatest hits and I analyzed them:

POS	TITLE	ARTIST	PEAK
1	SOMEONE YOU LOVED	LEWIS CAPALDI	1
2	OLD TOWN ROAD	LIL NAS X	1
3	I DON'T CARE	ED SHEERAN & JUSTIN BIEBER	1
4	BAD GUY	BILLIE EILISH	2
5	GIANT	CALVIN HARRIS & RAG'N'BONE MAN	2
6	SWEET BUT PSYCHO	AVA MAX	1
7	VOSSI BOP	STORMZY	1
8	DANCE MONKEY	TONES & I	1
9	DON'T CALL ME UP	MABEL	3
10	SENORITA	SHAWN MENDES/CAMILA CABELLO	1

1. Talks about a man who starts to trust a woman and she ends up trashing his heart and leaving him.

2. You can look up the lyrics if you really want to but here's an example, "cheated on my baby."

3. It's more about a man that meets a girl at a party and thinks that she is the only one for him, nothing horrible implied.

4. "So you're a tough guy, Like a really rough guy, Just can't get enough guy, Chest always so puffed guy, I'm that bad type, Make your mama sad type, Make your girlfriend mad type, I'm a bad guy." This has become a very common attitude in our culture today. If you look at media it has started to describe men in such an unfair and unkind way. Media is leaning toward a view of a man as a player, cheat, abandoner, and incompetent human being that a wife or girlfriend just gets to deal with. This is not right.

5.The singer actually wrote the song to describe selfless love.

6."See, someone said, "Don't drink her potions, She'll kiss your neck with no emotion, When she's mean, you know you love it." The lyrics describe a physical love but not a stable love built on real connection.

7. Describes a man who thinks he is so hot and has no boundaries for other relationships that he believes he can steal anyone's girl.

8.Tones (artist) stated that this was simply about playing music in the street.

9."But it was your game that left scars, Ooh, I'm over you, Don't call me up, I'm going out tonight, Feeling good now you're outta my life, Don't wanna talk about us." Describes another unsuccessful relationship.

10. Talks about coming back to a man because of the physical touch he provides her.

So here we are; 10 songs later, and out of the ten songs 7 described love that was hurtful, toxic, or solely for sexual gratification. Out of the other 3 songs: 1 had nothing to do about love, 1 had to do with selfless love, and the other 1 didn't take much of a position.

So here is my question.... if family is the foundation for our society, why aren't we talking and singing about healthy and happy families OR the types of dating that will get us to that point? If families are what we need to become/stay a stable society, why are we promoting and listening to songs that lead us away from the ideals of strong family relationships and expectations?

• Movies and TV: I'm not going to go through specific shows, but how are families portrayed? Dads more often than not seem to be portrayed in the most negative light. We have come to portray men as completely incompetent in helping in a family relationship. We portray men as cheaters, workaholics, perverts etc. Where is the media that shows what good fatherhood looks like? Where is the media that shows a fathers involvement in the home? Where is the media that portrays a Dad making the effort to go to Daddy daughter dances? Where is the media that portrays a man loving a woman and respecting her for forever? We need to be more adamant and active in advocating for and financially supporting this type of media.
• Video Games: I won't mention any specifically, but how many video games do you know of or have seen that have male characters beating scantily dressed women. Where are the video games that have women properly dressed and men acting properly? Where are the video games that show positive human interaction?

Now at this point you might be saying, "sheesh Briquelle such a pessimistic view on society." The reality is, is that I have a very positive outlook, an outlook that we can be a mechanism for changing what culture deems important, and what society produces based on the demand and expectations that we set for it.

Lets take a brief turn and look at some personal aspects of  how we communicate about our families. Let me give a couple of examples of how we maybe don't think before we communicate negative messages about our families. 

• How many circles of women have you sat by and they start ragging on their husbands? What does this communicate to the younger generations? It communicates that men are horrible, lazy, and never helping the woman feel fulfilled in her relationship. Is it true? For a lot of women I doubt it, but it is said and is not only detrimental to that relationship itself but detrimental to the attitudes of future generations.
• How many kids speak negatively of their parents and the rules that parents give them to keep them safe?
• How many siblings don't stand up for each other around peer groups?
• How many of us don't speak up on issues that we believe are detrimental to families such as gay marriage, abortion, human trafficking, abuse etc. simply because we just don't want to rock the boat.

These are just a few examples, but they are a few personal ways that we often fail to stand up for families. 

"Teaching civility is an obligation of the family."

Stephen Carter: Yale Law Professor

The family is the most important unit of society because within the family the next generation is raised. When we fail to raise strong and stable families, we fail at raising kids that have the greatest opportunity of becoming emotionally stable and responsible adults. If families fail in the raising of children; neighborhoods, communities, societies and whole nations will fall. We will fall morally, and as we fall morally we will fall economically. A society is built on moral principles, without it the societal system will never succeed and the system crumbles. 

Thomas Sowell and american economist once said, 

" Without a moral framework, there is nothing left but immediate self-indulgence by some and the path of least resistance by others. Neither can sustain a free society."

Glenn Beck a political commentator observed

"Without morality and virtue most things in a free society fall apart. But with them, anything is possible."

We teach moral principles within and without our homes by the messages we act out, say, and portray. Now is the time to speak up and speak out for families. Now is the time to promote hope, by promoting music, tv, movies, videogames, and personal messages that speak of secure families; families where two parents love each other and where parents love children and cherish their family ties forever.