Family Crisis

 Family Crisis is such an interesting concept because quite frankly it entails a wide variety of situations. A family crisis can range from a parent losing a job, a child dying, unforeseen illness, affairs, imprisonment, infertility, a child struggling with drug use, abuse, and the list goes on and on. 

So how do you cover such a wide variety of situations, problems, perspectives, attitudes and feelings in one single article? The reality is, is that you can't. Each of you have a unique situation, a situation that I don't know about, and that I don't understand because I am not in it and don't know the dynamics of how it is all playing out. 

However, there is one thing that each of us in our own situation can apply; and that entails how we cope with our crisis. When family crisis hits, there are many ways to begin coping with it and some ways are much more effective than others. So let's take a look!!

Methods of Coping

• Denial: You won't admit to what you know is occurring in your own life and family. This is normal and can even be effective so long as it is very temporary. Denial can help one have a chance to pull their resources together before having to face the problem at hand. Denial is only effective if it is temporary, if denial continues and a problem continues to be swept under the rug, it becomes destructive. 
• For Example:If a husband can't admit that his wife has a serious alcohol addiction it continues to add more stress and turmoil to the family, and can eventually destroy the family system.
• Someone needs to take the first step and talk about the problem.
• Avoidance: Now that you have admitted the problem, some people tend to do the next thing and avoid the problem. They know the problem is present, but they resist taking steps to fix it. If the problem is avoided momentarily while members of the family find resources to help, then it will be ok. If the family avoids the problem forever, the problem becomes destructive.
• Example from earlier: Dad can avoid the problem while he finds an addiction recovery program for them to join, this becomes effective avoidance because it isn't ripping on the problem when you have no solution, instead it is waiting for when you can find help for the mom.
• Scapegoating: this method of coping is never effective and should not be used. Scapegoating means you pin someone else for your problem. Scapegoating shows a lack of desire to take responsibility and find ways that you personally can improve your situation.
• For Example: Mom knows she has a drinking problem but rather than taking responsibility upon herself she claims that if the children would behave better she wouldn't drink so much.

Let's Look at more effective approaches

• Take Responsibility for your actions: In some family crisis situations this is not applicable. For example, in the death of a child, no one tends to be at fault. In other family situations there can be one person that is a main chunk of the problem or there can be multiple people as part of the problem. Analyze where you are falling short in your part to strengthen the family, and improve the parts that you personally can do.
• Reframe the situation: Reframing helps change the perspective on a problem, it can help you see it in a different light and it can sometimes be a way to help others stop destructive behavior.
• Let me give an example that I once heard of. A lady had been going to an addiction recovery program for sometime now. The Lady struggled with a drug that was impeding on her health and ability to interact with others. The Lady was a jew, her grandparents survived a concentration camp during the holocaust occurring in World War II. After several years of intervention, the therapist decided to take a different approach. Therapist: "[name], how much do you spend on (specific drug) in one month?" She responds,"easily $400 or over." Therapist "[Name] didn't you say that your grandparents survived the holocaust in WWII?" Client: "yes they did, my grandparents were jews and were put in a concentration camp for several months." Therapist "do you believe that it is right that so many people from your religion were killed in the camps?" Client: "absolutely not." Therapist: " Well here is what I want you to do. You said that you spend easily $400 on your addiction. I want you to take that $400 this month and I want you to divide it by 25. So you will have 25 envelopes and in each of those envelopes you will put $16. And every time you go to do your drug, I want you to take that envelope of money and mail it to the Nazi party, because you are supporting them in helping kill yourself, another jew."
• Now some might think this example is harsh, but when the client goes to participate in their addiction again, what will they think of? They will think of the concentration camps and the jews being killed inside. Her addiction has been reframed and has lead to a possible change in perspective.
• Reframing needs to be done in a very loving way.
• Know your own and your family's self worth: One struggle that happens in a family crisis is often doubting your own self esteem and worth. When going through a crisis remember that you are strong enough to handle it,  and that you have the ability to cope and make the correct decisions for your family.
• Find and use the resources available to help you: This is one of the most effective coping strategies because it helps you have the ability to put stress in other places during a crisis and can help you solve problems. Resources are different for everyone but some may include
• Friends
• Families
• Money
• Education
• Religion
• Clergy
• Councilors
• Teachers
• Church members
• Exercise
• Non profit organizations
• Reliable Book sources: John Gottman has some great materials
• Women and children's shelters
• Addiction recovery programs
• Family Crisis Centers

Crisis Hotline resources

• ChildHelp Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
• Aunt Bertha: A free online platform for health care providers, residents, social workers, school counselors and more to find thousands of free or low-cost resources and services by zip code.
• National Parent Helpline: 1-855-427-2736, available Monday – Friday from 1 p.m. to 10 p.m.
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TEXT “loveis” to 22522, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
• SAMHSA’s Disaster Distress Helpline: 1-800-985-5990 or Text “TalkWithUs” to 66746, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
• National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
• NAMI Helpline: 1-800-950-6264 or TEXT “NAMI” to 741741, available Monday – Friday from 10:00 a.m. to 6 p.m.
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: call or text 1-800-273-8255

Other Resources

• https://www.gottman.com/: This is a resource that I highly suggest to couples in Crisis
  
• https://www.familycrisisctr.org/resources/
  
• https://www.childrensdefense.org/useful-resource-covid-19/
  
• https://thefamilydinnerproject.org/
  
• https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/supporting/support-services/
  

There are so many resources available to families to help them cope with a crisis. So let's talk about it! Even if you're family isn't going through a crisis right now; this week with a friend, spouse or sibling

Discuss the resources you have/know about, that could help you when your family is struggling

and if you find that maybe they are fewer than you need, start finding some more! When our families hit some bumpy roads, or straight on valleys, lets be prepared by knowing what resources there are to help our specific needs.